Hilarious as they were, I fail to find a pun for launching the submersible Thunderbird 4 and have to hurriedly switch character to the subservient, homily spouting surface world agent of King Triton in the fourth installment of my 2003 SMTP battle of wits with a Nigerian 419 scammer…
Subj: Re: TREAT AS URGENT
Date: 11/08/2003 17:09:26 GMT Standard Time
Sent from the Internet (Details)
Thank you for your mail. what I want you to know is that we have commence to get the necessary documents for the registration of your company here and to incorporate it with the corporate affairs commission.
once we put this in place you shall forward the application in your company’s name to our corporation the Nigerian national petroleum corporation .which we shall give you a draft copy of what you will send to the corporation for the claims of the funds.
I will like you to know is that I will not like a third party to this business other than you and I hope you will understand my point.
In a nut shell the funds we are talking about can be moved to Europe for you to claim the funds easily since you will be in London we can advise the funds to be delivered to you there for you to claim it in cash then bank it. if this option is well with you ,please inform me so that I will know how your application will be drafted .
By next tomorrow, the documents should be out and we shall send it to you .you are therefore going to advise the corporation for the services of an attorney to assist you in the acceleration of the release of this funds since you are going to be absence for the active overseeing of the whole process which you will state in your application to them.
I will like to forward this application immediately tomorrow at once the before the documents are out , so that the corporation will start to process the release of the funds.
I will send the application before the close of work today.
I will like you to give me the full name of your bank and your company’s full name.
I will await your reply.
+++11 August 2003 20:23+++
From the desk of Argent X’twosehro
Greetings…your Princely majesty.
I’m most humbly sorry, but I’m afraid that the Hood has been called away for an urgent meeting and is unable to answer your munificent self today. To that end I have been seconded from my position of surface agent on the island of Lemoy to fill in while the Hood is away. It is my understanding that there are some high level negotiations under way regarding the future of the company with rumours of a corporate buy out rife around the water cooler. Heh. I like the water cooler. The bubbles remind me of home. Anyway, I’m sure that these whispers are unfounded and the Hood will be back to conclude your dealings, or at the very least influence your will, in the near future. Why knowing his mastery of elaborate disguise he could be here at this very moment and we would never know. Is that plant watching me? Heh. But, I do beg your indulgence as I humbly attempt to deliver the information you seek:
A: Eval Hood will prefer the funds to be transferred to England
B: All fishscale* transactions are provided through A.P.L. Centre. The registered business name is The SPECTRUM Agency (SiG)**
An inspirational message to you to bear in mind if you have any disappointment this week:
There are plenty of fish in the sea…
Heh. My sincere advice is never let a prospective employer see you wet, and remember that salt water will really do a number on cashmere.
Till next time terrainian,
this is Argent signing off…
*I wrote fiscal, then amended it to “fishscale”. If he responds to this the guy must be really dumb or desperate!
**Captain Scarlet, once again can’t see anything go by him and gets a name check. Spectrum is Green!