Reasons to ha-ha at Reading #12

 Everyone’s invited to my Hosepipe party…… except anyone in southern and eastern England obviously, which would include all my friends in Shithole-Reading.

HAHAHA! Look! The joke with the picture is I’m not only using my hose this morning while they’re all banned from doing so, but I’m actually washing the hose because it looked a bit dirty. In fact, I may have forgotten to turn it off when I left the house this morning!

Anyone need a swimming pool filled..?

Reasons to ha- er… be puzzled in Reading #9

I’m always impressed when someone takes the time to write a comment in the accumulated dirt on the back of a vehicle. To me it’s a great example of human symbiosis as there’s a unconcious level of cooperation going on, from the anonymous wordsmith who with their flash of inspiration, just as a medium presents itself, to the unknowing but complicit owner of the unwashed vehicle, without whom there would be no stage for the rest of us to witness the spectacle.

This one genuinely has me baffled though.

Obviously the vehicle wasn’t manufactured by Golf; ergo the reference is to the sport. However there were no visible golfing memes on display; no club membership badge; no equipment; no stickers boasting of regional match supremacy; so what provoked this particular outburst?

Is there an embittered spouse somewhere? Such graffiti, a last desperate resort as a plea for equal attention to the hobby before resorting to the divorce courts?

Given the lack of evidence to support a golfing hobby, why this vehicle? Was it parked outside a clubhouse? But, if it was, surely anyone in a position to perform this temporary vandalism had to be in the vicinity? Is it conceivable there are players who are filled with such deep personal loathing for themselves that the vehemence bursts from them in some sort of finger Tourette’s related cry for help..?

In fact, being mindful of how often I walk past the rear of my car and/or open my boot doesn’t it beggar belief that the owner has failed to notice this? If it were I, wouldn’t I remove the statement even if only by brushing across the area with my fingers to obscure the message if I wasn’t going to the trouble of washing the vehicle properly…?
So… Does that mean it was the owner who wrote it? Do they find their TV schedules, newspapers and magazines so intolerably swamped by coverage of the sport that they feel the need to broadcast this dirty, public protest?!?!

I suspect we’ll never truly know. But if you too suffer from such feelings and think a support group for people such as yourself would be a good idea, please, please, don’t bother to get in touch, because not only will I not believe you, I also won’t care.

/TLDR: Golf Sucks!